WHEN AN OVERWHELMED MOTHER GETS THE SUPPORT SHE NEEDS, IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE FOR HER CHILDREN
“How have things been going this week?”
No answer.
“Megan? How have things been going?”
Megan stared at the wall, though she didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular. She didn’t seem to be there at all. The therapist sat there, waiting. This was how it usually went.
Megan’s daughter Ava toddled by. They had begun getting support from DABSJ’s Early Childhood Attachment program when Ava was 14 months old. Megan was struggling with depression and had not bonded to Ava. In fact, the single mother was having a hard time with each of her three children. They were all under the age of five, and it was all overwhelming to her. So there she sat, trapped in her mind. Staring at the wall.
The aim of the program was to help Megan build a healthy attachment with her young children. From the beginning of their time, Megan had been reserved and sullen. Her therapist would see Megan’s children call for her or ask for something, usually with no response. In the moments Megan did talk, it was often with a tone of hopelessness and despair. Mostly she would just shut down.
As Megan struggled, so did her children. They couldn’t get the love and care they needed from their mother.
So many times, these are the situations that lead to hurt and neglect for children. Left alone, it can often lead to removal from their home and placement in foster care. A family disrupted, lives forever impacted with deeply traumatic experiences for all.
But that wasn’t what Megan wanted. She wanted to change. She wanted help. And her family wasn’t alone. During one session, Megan shared something.
“The apartment is so dirty,” she said. “It’s making me feel even more depressed, and I don’t even know where to start.”
The therapist offered an idea: Breaking things down into smaller, more specific tasks, like scrub the sink instead of clean the whole bathroom. They sat together and wrote it all down on a piece of paper, creating a checklist. They also discussed different strategies for taking breaks so cleaning would be manageable instead of overwhelming. It was the starting point Megan had been unable to see through the fog of her mental health challenges.
The next session, Megan met her therapist at the door. She couldn’t wait to show her progress. She had made more checklists for cleaning other rooms, for budgeting strategies, for goals she wanted.
Some sun was peeking through the clouds for Megan. Each session after that, she showed change. The apartment progressively got cleaner. Her depression symptoms started decreasing dramatically. Not only was she engaging in conversation more, but she was also lighter. Smiling.
And the difference for her children was apparent. Ava would come to her for comfort, snuggle up and lock eyes with her mother. Their healthy bond was in progress. And the therapist found encouraging Megan as a mother made a huge difference.
“People would always tell me what I was doing wrong,” Megan said. “Until now, no one has really taken the time to tell me what I was doing right.”
